When you've lost the person you loved, the idea of dating again can seem almost unthinkable.
Some WAY members make the conscious decision that they will never date anyone else again, because they feel that nobody could ever live up to the partner they have lost.
As a recent divorcee, he had begun a new relationship with a widow and at the time they dated, thought that he had finally found “the one.” He felt like his ex-wife was never really his soul mate and that his soul mate was still out there, and it was Terry (also a fake name to protect identities).
Unfortunately, as the months passed, Howard realized that Terry didn’t consider him her soul mate. She even called out her late husband’s name during intimate moments with Howard. Howard knew he would never live up to the memory of Terry’s late husband and didn’t feel he could continue when they didn’t both think they had found their soul mate.
Why they are searching the Internet for the answer to a question that only their widower can provide, I hesitate to guess though I bet I could. Cher would tell you it’s in his kiss, but it’s in his actions. With men (and women too really, the whole “Venus and Mars” thing is mostly based on stereotypical crap), words will only take a person so far if there is nothing concrete to back them up. And no, it’s not pushy or stalkerish or demanding to ask some very basic questions of the guy you are in all probability getting naked with on a regular basis*. Cut no man (or woman) slack because they’ve been widowed. The ones that people use because they know they’ll work.
In addition to letting the widower initiate the date request, you should also set a slow pace for the relationship, both physically and emotionally.
A man who is truly interested will be fine with taking things slowly, while a man looking for a rebound relationship will be less eager to do so.
You can always dip your toe in the dating pool and take it out again if it doesn't feel right.
Other WAY members can provide an invaluable source of advice and a sounding board for people who feel ready to start venturing out into the dating world again.